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The world is full of idiots. You’re an idiot. Sorry but it’s true. But don’t worry, I’m an idiot too and unlike you…I’m willing to admit it.
I would go so far as too say that everyone (including me) slip in and out of idiocy every day without ever noticing the transition. No matter how smart you are, there are far too many things going on for us to be smart all the time. Statistically, it’s inevitable that we all will be idiots part of the time.
The World is Full of Idiots
Here’s a couple examples to prove my point:
- A brand new CEO decides to take a stroll through the offices to prove that he really means business. He sees a man leaning against wall doing absolutely nothing. The CEO hones in and seizes this opportunity to show that he will not tolerate slacking. He approaches the man and asks him how much money he makes per week. The man responds that he makes about $800 so the CEO hands him $800, tells him he’s fired and points at the door. After the man walks out he turns to the other employees and says, “Now someone tell me what this guy’s job was!” Someone replies, “He’s the pizza delivery guy.”
- Another CEO (probably related to our first) decided to offer bonuses at the end of the year if the company met at least 5 out of 7 company goals. When Christmas arrives, he announces that the company only achieved 4 of those goals and that nobody would be receiving any bonuses. One of the missed goals was employee morale.
It should be obvious from these examples that any dolt can be surprisingly successful. Ignorantly hand $800 to the pizza guy and you might be the perfect candidate to take over a company. But we’re talking about blogging today….not leading a company.
The principle is the same. We’re idiots. You’re an idiot. I’m an idiot. Don’t get offended. You know it’s true. How many times have you walked into a room and asked your spouse or a coworker where your keys or sunglasses were and they pointed at your hand and said, “You’re holding it, goofy!”?
We live in a world where any idiot can purchase a laptop computer for $500, start writing, and become the next big thing. I’m sort of hoping that this trend doesn’t change by the time I hit the publish button on this article. But then again, I guess it didn’t. Here you are reading this nonsense.
Seven Idiot-Proof Tips to Empower Your Blogging
So you came here for an idiot’s guide to blogging and that’s what I have to deliver for you. Even if you’re only moderately smarter than a walrus with down syndrome, you can build a powerful blog with the following rules:
- Write what you know. Some of you are writing about making mega cash online in the same way that someone might write a first-hand account of the Donner party based on their experience eating beef jerky.
- Use pictures of yourself. Nothing is cuter than those little organ grinder monkeys wearing a little vest and top hat. Go ahead and let people know what you look like even if you’re not as good looking as said monkey.
- Define your purpose. If you had a million of our little monkey friends typing on a million little typewriters then you might eventually produce something amazing like Shakespeare’s Hamlet and with the randomness with which some of you write that might be the perfect example. Hone in on something and go after it.
- Work hard and be good to your mother. Work hard and create the best content you possibly can, but in the end your mom is probably the only person who is going to your read your blog so be good to her. Maybe if you give her a foot rub you can double your page views this week.
- Never look directly at the sun. They make braille keyboards (I assume), but I doubt it’s as convenient as being able to look at the screen and review what you’re typing.
- The grass is not always greener on the other side…and if it is then it’s probably because there’s a leaky septic tank in the neighbor’s yard.
- Write your blog address on your underwear. When I was a little kid, my grandmother (who basically raised me) always used to tell me to be sure to wear clean underwear because you never knew when you might be in a car accident and a doctor would see your underwear. With that same logic why not advertise your blog on there?
Okay, so you’re an idiot. Who cares? Get over it. We all are…even me. You can still be an amazing blogger and now you know how.